longhairedlady: Tainted by Evil: The Radio Play

Demonic ass water all over everything! (

longhairedlady) wrote,
@ 2008-03-02 23:35:00

Entry tags:

crack, spernatural

Tainted by Evil: The Radio Play

This will be the second weekend I've sat down with fine intentions of writing Sweet Charity, and been distracted by other things. Guys, I am so, so sorry. buffyaddict13 and unhobbityhobbit, you have both been amazingly patient. Anyway, this is by way of a sop to my conscience. Yes, it is the infamous holy water enema fic. Originally inspired by girlfan1979, although I know this is pretty much the opposite of what she imagined. I'll write you the serious version one day *g*

Title: Tainted by Evil, the Radio Play

Rating: Gen, R

Length: 466 words

Warnings: Swearing and Enemas. And, once again, I've done a radio play. Crackity, crack, crack, crack.

Summary: Years from now, in a creativly bankrupt future, a radio adaptation is made of longhairedlady's 6000 page Supernatural epic, Tainted by Evil.

[ In the Impala. It's night (I suggest using the sound of hooting owls to get this across. Realism be damned.) Cars can be heard rushing by. Rain patter on the windshield. In the background, a siren wails, such as might be set off by a young man breaking into a locked pharmacy.]

Dean : Fuck! You finished in there yet?

[Thrashing about noises.]

Dean : Gods Dammned Fucking Shit Ass-AHHHHH!

[Whimpering. Then, a car door opens.]

Sam : Ok, I got it. Had to pick a few locks, tripped the secur-

Dean : Shut up, Sam. I can't hold it much longer. Ugh, I can feel the thing trying to force it's way out!

Sam : That might be the single most disgusting thing I've ever heard.

Dean (shouting) : Just hurry up and bless the water already!

Sam : I'm doing it, I'm doing it.

[Splashing sounds. Latin. A few prayers, if the producers really want to go in for the blasphemy.]

Sam (conversationally) : So, how do you even get a demon up your ass in the first place?

Dean : I don't know! Does asking stupid questions magically speed you up or something?

Sam : You think it was aiming for your mouth and got confused?

[A roar (suggest using a lion's, from archive) shortly followed by a thump.]

Sam (somewhat muffled, as though speaking through an arm lock): Ok, Ok, it's done. Here.

Dean (sighs) : Finally.

[A zipper opens.]

Dean (somewhat strained) : This enema thing better fucking work, because I swear to God, you're not exorcising my colon. Nghh, there it goes.

[Tense silence.]

Sam: Did it work?

[ A sudden loud rushing, such as might be caused by high pressure steam escaping. Yells of manly pain. The rest is silence, save for the gentle sound of trickling water. Record a tranquil stream, or something.]

Dean (shaken) : Well, that was a laugh riot.

Sam: (equally shaken) : Yeah.

Dean: Let's never talk about this again, right?

(Post a new comment)

	unhobbityhobbit 2008-03-03 12:09 am UTC (link)
	...ew. :D (Reply to this)(Thread)

	longhairedlady 2008-03-03 12:26 am UTC (link)
	Yup! I'm willing to bet this isn't exactly a common trademark in fic g (Reply to this)(Parent)

	urk! catdancerz 2008-03-03 12:14 am UTC (link)
	uhm...the seats! demonic...um...ass water...all over them... will the impala ever recover? or did dean step outside to...take care of things? (Reply to this)(Thread)

	Re: urk! longhairedlady 2008-03-03 12:28 am UTC (link)
	All I'm going to say is that the Impala will need some serious valet service after this ; ) Also, I kinda want to change my journal's name to "Demonic ass water all over everything" now. g (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: urk! catdancerz 2008-03-03 12:36 am UTC (link)
	well you go right ahead and rename it ;> i am sure that the valet service will extend to your journal as well...soggy pages and cough everything else too...(leaves what THAT covers entirely up to your imagination...heh) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: urk! longhairedlady 2008-03-03 07:43 am UTC (link)
	I wonder how much valet service with exorcism costs these days? I reckon I need it... friends back immediately (Reply to this)(Parent)

Re: urk!

unhobbityhobbit
2008-03-03 12:41 am UTC (link)

Do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do itdo it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it.

Absolutely no copying or pasting was used in the making of this comment. I hope you appreciate that.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: urk! girlfan1979 2008-03-03 03:41 am UTC (link)
	Frodo's right, you simply must! How did I not see this? How was I informed by the newsletter? It's late and I'm confused, and no, this wasn't at all what I was looking for, but it's hilarious nonetheless. <3 (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: urk! longhairedlady 2008-03-03 07:49 am UTC (link)
	I'm glad you saw it in the end! I know, I know, I suck for the non writing. I honestly don't know what happens to the weekend. And I know what you mean about the "late and confused" thing, I felt tha way when I was writing it g Heee, as I told Ruth, I will NEVER be influenced by your peer pressure. Nuh uh. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: urk! girlfan1979 2008-03-03 09:33 am UTC (link)
	<3 (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: urk! longhairedlady 2008-03-03 07:45 am UTC (link)
	Much as I appreciate it, let the record show I will never be swayed by peer pressure. Nope, never ever. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: urk! unhobbityhobbit 2008-03-03 06:45 pm UTC (link)
	Well, good, because life would be terrible if you were. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	iamstealthyone 2008-03-03 03:32 am UTC (link)
	Sam : You think it was aiming for your mouth and got confused? LOL! This was quite amusing. g Poor Dean. And Sam. snickers (Reply to this)(Thread)

	longhairedlady 2008-03-03 07:51 am UTC (link)
	giggles Thanks you, I'm glad it amused! And, God, yeah, poor Dean. Demonic ass possession must be the definition of not fun! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	pippii 2008-03-03 01:37 pm UTC (link)
	Is it just me or is this slightly creepy?? Good job hon, I sooooo needed a good laugh this morning;) (Reply to this)(Thread)

	longhairedlady 2008-03-03 11:44 pm UTC (link)
	Of course it's creepy! There's ASS DEMONS! Wouldn't want to run into one of those on a dark night g Glad this made you laugh, thank you! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	starry_ice 2008-03-04 05:39 am UTC (link)
	Ahahahahaa... Holy water enema... Have to say, haven't seen that one before. :D The poor boys! Thank you for the laugh... I'll be giggling for awhile over this one. (Reply to this)

	nocturnal08 2008-03-07 02:45 pm UTC (link)
	Omg. That sounds... uncomfortable. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	longhairedlady 2008-03-09 07:42 pm UTC (link)
	Oh yeah! Demon ass invasion can't be fun, apart from the part where otmakes me giggle like an idiot g (Reply to this)(Parent)

	annabeth_fics 2008-04-11 01:20 pm UTC (link)
	I don't really have anything to say except that I'm laughing like a freak. Seriously, wiping tears out of my eyes... OMG, ass-demon... (Reply to this)(Thread)

	longhairedlady 2008-04-20 05:29 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! I know, even now the very word ass demon makes me laugh! I'm so glad you enjoyed this! (Reply to this)(Parent)

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